The 27th of October 1922xx
Entry #2564
Dear Captains Log.
Once again, it is I, Captain James A. Hook, Captain of the Jolly Roger, scourge of the seven seas and.. well.. temporarily anchored off the west coast of Neverland. I write in this archive of thoughts today with a rather heavy heart. Project Fish-girl-cannon-ball was a failure. The plan, as i recall was to deploy a three hundred pound cannon on the beach to be aimed at Peter Pan, curse his name, when he came into view. I took into consideration my genius but did not the beauty of the Fish girls. Mermaids I suppose their name is. Itchy, Gork and Toothpick, the three buffoons i sent to do the deed were mesmerized with the Mermaids. Too mesmerized to aim properly and as such i now have a hole in my lower hull. They have since been drowned by the Mermaids I hear. Sad. If only the mermaids could join my crew..
Never the less, I have yet another plan. In my hands I hold a bag of Gun-powder so powerful, it is said to explode on sight. Okay, that may be a lie but it is indeed amusing to see the dirty rats on deck quiver when i bring out the bag. With this Gun powder in hand i will indeed devise a place so evil, so vile that even I shall gaze at myself in the mirror with admiration.. well more so than the norm anyways.
In other happenings, I have made it a point to fire my cannons at Neverland randomly at well.. simply randomly. So far i have counted three birds, nine goats, five cows and i am quite sure one monkey, that i have killed. Sadly no child has been in my sights. However, it pleases me that i now have the fear of all the animals. One small step to my conquest of Neverland.
I have also ordered the disposal of all time keeping instruments. That ticking sound of that crocodile beast haunts me in my sleep. From this day onward, Peeler, one of my deckhands, will be tasked with the duty of calling out the time for the Jolly Roger. He is to reside in the lower dungeons and call out the time every minute for the rest of his life. Failure to do so will result in his death and / or torture. Mr. Jonson, the old fool who toiled in the kitchens had a pacemaker in him. He had to be... sacrificed.
Lastly I might add that I have indeed uncovered the mystery of the missing soap. Pollywager, my cannon-boy has been smuggling soap on board the ship. He apparently shapes the soap into little fishes and feeds them to the dolphins.. to see them choke. I like this attitude. He has since been given a promotion. The cannon-boy is now the cannon-man. He now has 4 cannons to clean rather than one. I may have been gracious there but it is in my character i guess.
I will now end this log.
Captain James A. Hook
The one true Captain of the Jolly Roger,
Gracious to a flaw.
